A Single Lady's Guide to Dating

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 In A Single Ladys’ Guide to Dating you will find 10 rules for modern dating that are designed to empower and enlighten your adventures in dating while also helping you discover your own strengths and talents as a powerful single woman. This book is designed to remind you that your value and worth is independent of the men in your life and that you are the sole person who is responsible for your happiness and wellbeing. You have been granted great freedoms as a 21st century woman. Within this freedom is the essence of your responsibility to take control of your destiny. This book is meant to remind you that you have everything it takes to make your greatest dreams come true in both dating and life.

You and I are so lucky to be alive in an age where women have more freedom than ever before in history. As a young professional woman, I am in charge of my career, I occasionally travel alone, I have moved abroad by myself to pursue work opportunities, I can buy my own apartment or house in my name alone, I can start my own business or company, and I make decisions about my body, health, and wellbeing for myself. I can make my every wish come true without depending on a man to fulfill my needs or desires if that is what I wish because I am self-reliant. I have been granted freedoms that women from my grandmother’s generation could never have even imagined. And yet, so many of the women I know take an archaic stance on dating, boyfriends, and ultimately marriage. I have seen it happen time and time again where a fierce, independent, professional woman is reduced to rock-bottom self-esteem because her boyfriend didn’t text her to go out the night before.

If you can relate to the feeling of having your self-worth tied up with the quality of your intimate relationship with your boyfriend, this book is written for you. It doesn’t have to be this way. Your happiness and sense of self-worth are, ultimately, your own responsibility. Isn’t it time to take back control of your life? I will show you how you can do just that through a combination of strategic dating and a sustainable practice of self-love.

The Key to unlocking your potential, in dating and beyond, lies in the development of a fierce and powerful self-love. You must fall in love with yourself before you can find your equivalent match in another.  The act of going out on a date can become a form of self-love. This book will help you do just that. As you begin to view dating as a form of self-love, your dating life will be transformed into the greatest adventure that you have ever pursued. Your potential has yet to be fulfilled, but through careful dating, you can find the right partner who will help you achieve it.


Chapter 1

Know your worth

 Your worth is not measured by the amount of men who desire you or by the quality of your relationship with your boyfriend or husband. Having a man in your life does not make you a more valued woman or more worthy of respect and admiration. It is only if the man you have in your life helps you to be your best self that he is adding value to what you are already bringing to the relationship with him and others in your life. You are the sole defining factor in the value that you bring to the table. That is to say, you must decide your own level of self-worth and personal value in life. Once you do, like magic, everyone else will treat you accordingly.

 Due to the recent popularity of Sheryl Sandberg's Lean in, it has been widely discussed as of late that men often seek to negotiate the terms of a first job offer while women take the first offer presented. The time has come for women to take a clear look at the value that they bring, not only in the workplace but also in their personal relationships. You do not have to accept the first offer that a man presents to you, whether it is an offer to be lovers, partners, or spouses. The terms are always negotiable and it is important to make sure that what is being offered tips the scales in your favor. Successful partnership are all about finding the win/win for both parties so that everyone can thrive and get one step closer to realizing their fullest potential in life.

Radical Self-love

Whether or not you are familiar with the term self-love it is likely that this concept is something you have been struggling with for most of your adult life. Women, more frequently than men, are distinctly taught not to love themselves, but to seek love and approval from others. As women we often and especially seek the love and attention of the men in our communities and in the world at large.

Women are routinely disempowered on a day-to-day basis starting with the day they are born. The socialization of women to be insecure and inadequate begins at birth. From childhood, young girls are taught to be seen but not heard. They are told to be nice and polite and they are left vulnerable to the will of others when they are not taught how to stand up for themselves at the most basic level. Part of this socialization comes from the home and family dynamic. But media and the public image of women also plays an important role. Each young woman has the potential to break this cycle and to be the iconoclast for her generation. But very few will ever achieve such groundbreaking work in their lifetimes.

Throughout a girls life, the female body is portrayed to her as something that is meant to be propagated by others but is shameful for her to be proud of herself. Women are expected to strive for an unattainable ideal of beauty whose standard is set by the media and mainstream culture. Advertisements would have us believe that this ideal beauty is unattainable to men unless they drive the right car or wear the right watch. But for women, the effect goes even deeper.

 For women, their bodies will never look like the girls on billboards, in magazines or on soap operas who have been airbrushed and starved to death. Instead, women are left with a deep sense of inadequacy and insecurity, which can sometimes stay with them for life. This is extremely dangerous for women because it creates a vulnerable area of the female psyche where nothing that a woman does will ever be enough to make her feel she is worthy of the things that she truly wants in life. Because of this many women will go above and beyond to take measures into their own hands to achieve the ideal that has been set for them. They will even go so far as to undergo grotesque plastic surgery procedures, or force themselves into extreme dieting and exercise regimens. There is no end to the subtle and not so subtle violence that women will put themselves through in the name of beauty. Women are far more likely than men to spend time and money on products that promise them beauty from the inside out. Entire industries, from fashion to cosmetics, and even clinical medicine, depend on the insecurities of women, who don’t love themselves or their bodies, to make a profit.

 This is the reality we live in. Our world and its social structures have not been built to give women a fair chance at success. In both the professional and personal arena’s women have been taught to depend on men for their success and wellbeing. But we have been convinced of this traditional way for far too long.

 You already hold within you everything you need to build a future where the odds are in your favor. If you take the time and make the effort to do so, you can overcome socially imposed barriers to success that every woman faces in her life. But in order to do so you will need to become a conductor of radical self-love. Consistent acts of radical self-love is the path forward for every woman who has ever felt like she wasn't good enough or didn't deserve what she truly wanted from her life.

Radical self-love means loving all parts of yourself no matter what. This means that radical self-love is unconditional and includes self-acceptance as its basis.